it’s a hard knock life

I can’t handle challenges.

You know! Those Facebook challenges that ask for people to post a pic of their spouse or their children and then tag a bunch of other great couples or mothers. First of all, it’s called a CHALLENGE?! As far as I know, a challenge is a call to fight or to do battle!!!

Like run 42.2 km and cross a marathon finish line.

Like get out of bed when you’re depressed.

Like get 2 or 4 kids out the door on a school morning without murdering anyone.

Like get through a week  day without eating sugar.

The dog one -that’s kind of cute- but nope! I don’t participate.

And the gratitude challenge- that’s a good one cause most of us would find it challenging to be grateful for one whole day! But still. I can’t.

The part that I find hardest is tagging others and asking them to do the same. I’m of the mind that if a woman wants to post a photo of husband and her laughing into each other’s eyes on a sunset beach then they will!

And probably I’ll hit the like button.

Or if mother and son go for a run and they want to tell their little Facebook world, they will and I did.

And you hit the like button!

I will like your photos if you participate in said challenge, I just CAN’T knock on other people’s doors.

Here’s why.

In my other life, I knocked on people’s doors every Tuesday night from 7 to 8pm. I wore a skirt and carried a Bible. Also, I was sweating. I wasn’t pushing vacuums or tempting you with chocolate bars.

I was selling heavenly spots.

yup.

i know.

This was my opening line:

If you died today, are you 100% sure you will go to heaven?

gulp.

Here are a few special responses I remember:

**ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! Jack Bauer is about to take down the Russian mafia, and you want to know what?!**

**big dog. bigger teeth. I run.**

**Get the hell off my step…YES, I SAID HELL!!!**

**lights suddenly turn off. no answer. I blush.**

**I’m about to have sex with my girlfriend and should be in heaven shortly. Thanks anyhow.**

**naked man. well hung. I stare.**

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think faith is an awesome, forgiving, gracious, life-changing, beautiful thing. My faith got me through cancer and it has continued to carry me through pretty much every day since.

I’M BIG ON FAITH.

But pushing it down someone’s throat on their front doorstep and getting them to pray a prayer so you can add a tally mark to your conversion list … yikes. That’s harsh. Faith is too personal. too delicate. too real. It should be sought. not forced. it’s for the lost who want to be found. the blind who hope to see.

Not long ago, I had to knock on a stranger’s door for a very good reason. M Blue, our cat, was lost, and I was scouring the area for signs of him. Despite my distress and worry, I still had that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach from years gone by when I’d knock on your doors selling heaven. 

So, yah … that’s why I can’t handle challenges.

But in the spirit of supporting all my wonderful friends….. here are my best photos showing what a wonderful mother, partner, dog owner, push upper, etc. etc. etc. that I am.

IMG_0405_2.jpgPartner/Spousal Challenge: This is me and M. We look like this about 7% of the time. Mostly, I’m missing a tooth, he has stray nose hairs (which I tweeze!!!), and we smell like pee because we run a lot. But hey, we do clean up!

 

img_2750Motherhood Challenge: This is me and my kids. They’re perfect. That is all.

 

img_2815

Wonderful Dog Challenge: This is Oliver, and he’s my best bud. He stuck by me through cancer recovery, and I’ve nursed him through four near-death experiences! He’s 7 and he’s almost died 4 times! My poor heart! I love this guy. But he loves me more.

 

Push-up Challenge….as you will see, this really was a challenge and a worthy cause too! I could only manage a few and I did knock on Mr P’s door and challenge him! This one actually  inspired me and I continue to practice these every day. To date, I can do three. On my toes, not my knees!  (OMG! that Newfie accent!)

The funny thing?!

I’m the kindest person to those who knock on my door pushing their religion! I can’t even gently say, No, thank you. I listen patiently for way too long. I even gave two ladies in skirts homemade chocolate chip cookies once! After that, they brought their whole family, kids and all, to meet me! Last week, they came knocking at my new address… I nose-dived into the bathroom and made Mr P answer the door!

I knew I had a problem when the first thing they said was ….

Is Kim home?

ps. I challenge you to find some joy even on a cold, grey winter day. xx


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