dear god, it’s me again

Hi god, How are you? I am fine, mostly.

The weather has been beautiful. Thanks for that. I find the sun makes such a difference as I get older. And that November! Thank u god. Still. I have to admit, I’m looking out the window at the little dusting of snow you sent last night, and it’s so beautiful. It brings me back to my childhood every time. When life was simple. Play. Laugh. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. I wish adulting didn’t include complicating pretty much everything. I like the simple life.

I cut my hair! But you already knew that! I had such a strong desire I had no choice. I’ve ONLY cut my hair once, and that was because I knew cancer was gonna’ take it. Since 15, so that’s over 35 years, I’ve had long hair. I wanted to know how I felt about myself without the hair. When I lost it for cancer that was different. I was navigating a new road so I barely noticed it was gone. Plus, cancer kinda’ trumps short hair! Anyhow, I love it! So much. I’m as beautiful and smart and kind and sexy and scared with short hair as I am with long hair.

You’ve given me a little health scare in the last weeks! But I wonder after cancer if there’s always a little tiny fear that it could happen again? Or maybe I take symptoms too seriously because I’m that person whose symptoms really were a monster?! Anyhow. It’s made me open my eyes and really take in the world. I remember when my Mom was dying, she would sit outside and look over the fields at the trees and grass and flowers and gently whisper, It’s so beautiful! Why does it take dying for most of us to really notice? So I’ve been practising looking out over the fields and noticing. While I am living. And wow…. Life is beautiful. 

And of course a lot of its beauty are those kids! My JAM. Been thinking about them a lot lately. Which isn’t too unusual but even more this Christmas since two of them are not home. We’ve NEVER been apart at Christmas, and we are all just the cutest little love bugs this time of year!!! How did I get so lucky to have kids who love me so much? I’m serious. I am grateful every single day for these children and the love I have been blessed with through them. When I am weak then are they strong. My JAM.

Life really is beautiful, God. Thank you for the gift. Whether it’s snowing, raining, sunshining, or grey, thank you. When it’s easy or not so much, thank you. When I’m strong and when I’m tired, thank you. When I feel loved or all alone, thank you. Whether I’m up or feeling down, thank you. For this life.

Well, I gotta’ go. Important test today. And exams begin! yawn. How about the fact that it’s only 16 days ’til Christmas?! Plus, I’ve been fasting, and I’m starving so in about six hours I can eat! I’m actually fantasizing about food! yup. I love you. Thank you for this wonderful life. It’s so beautiful.

Talk again soon,

Love, Kimsurvivor pic

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