the green grass effect

It’s thanksgiving which has me thinking about necks, fences, and grass. Naturally. I mean, isn’t that what everyone thinks about at the annual thankful holiday?! Besides turkey, family, and the weather, is what I meant to say. I’m convinced that the quickest way to become unthankful is to start leaning over someone else’s fence and to check out the green grass on their side. It’s a real thankfulness buster. Guaranteed.

The thing is just a few years ago you actually had to physically take a walk through your neighbourhood to check out the Joneses. And their new roof. with oak shingles. And their even newer driveway. which is concrete. not commonplace asphalt. Then of course there’s the marble waterfall not to be dwarfed by the PAIR OF LION STATUES SCARING ALL THE NEIGHBOURHOOD DOGS!!! nope. no walk needed. Just one click and social media will provide the photo spread. Not necessary to bump into your old high school friend at the local grocery store to realize she’s EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE as 20 years ago and she’s not only skinnier than you but she’s richer too says the Louis Vuitton casually swinging on her petite cashmere-clad arm. no grocery store needed. cause you’re sure to see it all on Facebook!

In the twenty-first century keeping your eyes on your own grass is virtually impossible. unless you live under a rock. 

So you’re probably wondering what necks have to do with thanksgiving? I’ve always thought this was gross, but my mom used to love the neck of the turkey! As usual she was right; according to the greatest chefs the neck is the best part. But that’s not really what necks have to do with thanksgiving. or at least not with my story!

Not long ago I was talking to a friend. just about friend conversation kind of stuff. you know… work/school talk, boy talk, weight talk, Brangelina break-up talk, all that stuff. Out of the blue, she tilts her head and looks me straight in the neck.

“Do you think you’ll ever get a neck lift?!”

Now, I don’t know about you, but it’s not every day I get asked if I’m getting a neck lift. Friends ask sometimes if I’m going for a pedi or a haircut, but NEVER a neck lift. So I’ve been a little neck-obsessed ever since. just a little. All I see on Facebook is the state of people’s necks. compared to mine. The grocery store, Walmart, Tim Horton’s are full of necks, young and old, and I notice every one. And compare them to mine. I recently saw the worst photo of myself during a marathon. It was a side view. And I counted at least 3 necks.

This Thanksgiving, I’m having a hard time appreciating my green grass when I’m looking over the fence straight into my neighbour’s necks. Not much different than the greenhouse effect. Too much pollution changes the atmosphere into one that poses serious dangers. to life on earth. And the green grass effect. too much pollution changes the atmosphere into one that poses serious dangers. to life in our brains and our hearts.

Remember the show Home Improvements with Tim Allen? My favourite part was when his neighbour, the invisible man, would offer advice over the top of his fence. He was sort of like God, all-knowing, but his name was Wilson Wilson. He offered lots of great advice, none of which was original, but hey he was well-read and had so much good stuff to say! Once when Tim was not feeling thrilled about a surprise river-rafting adventure trip because it interfered with his plans to attend a Nascar race, Wilson Wilson peeped over his neighbour’s fence and said it just right in a very godly fashion.

“When one is at home, he dreams of adventure; and when one is on an adventure, he dreams of home.”  Thornton Wilder

Kind of like houses. And numbers on a scale. purses. And necks.


Happy Thanksgiving, Neighbours!

ps. i’m thankful for scarves. striped scarves. plain scarves. patterned scarves. you get the point. just scarves in general. oh, and family and turkey too.







3 thoughts on “the green grass effect

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